My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
