Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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