yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
