I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
