Will you blow on my dice?
I will die if light touches me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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