we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
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Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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