she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
