Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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