Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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