Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
