I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
