He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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