Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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