But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
