porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
