i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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