either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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