You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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