I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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