Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I am naked and annoyed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
