We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
