He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
