how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
