no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
