i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
