Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
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Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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