Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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