I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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