dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Please, let me fuck your mom
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
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