but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
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I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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