im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Drunk is not a location!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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