he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
