whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
