New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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