A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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