I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
