Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
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I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
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I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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