Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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