I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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