fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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