i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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