if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
