her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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