I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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