a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
