it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
