I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You ruined the universe
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
