Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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