I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
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I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
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Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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