all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
