I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
