how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The uberlube is also flammable
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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