Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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