This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
