she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
