I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
