I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
