I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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