Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
