At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
