Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
there is puke in my bra ... again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
